I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
