you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
