i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
