Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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