i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
