you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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