Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
