I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
