yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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