i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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