K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
