There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
