He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
