I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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