Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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