And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
