I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
