just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
