Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
