Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
