there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
