Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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