nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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