Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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