I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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