Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
