after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
