Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
