I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
