someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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