he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
