coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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