eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
