if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
