I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
