screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Actions speak louder than pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
