Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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