So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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