K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
