Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
