You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I party with great urgency now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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