just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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