So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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