somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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