I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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