dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
