But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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