Non-Jews are for practice
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
