he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
