I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
