He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
